Dando o primeiro passo no meu projeto de melhorar as minhas habilidades na língua inglesa, comecei o curso "How to write an Essay"(https://courses.edx.org/courses/course-v1:BerkeleyX+ColWri2.1x+3T2017_2/course/). Como prometido, manterei neste blog um registro da minha evolução neste processo.
Quem leu minha última postagem, sabe o quanto fiquei envergonhada pelas minhas habilidades, ou melhor dizendo, pela minha 'incompetência' ao tentar escrever um texto acadêmico, motivo pelo qual decidi começar minha jornada para mudar este quadro, pelo curso que você acabaram de ler o título. Escreverei em inglês, até para poder praticar. Para traduzir para o nosso idioma, é só clicar na bandeira do nosso país no canto direito da tela. Caso, você fale inglês e perceba que cometi algum erro, por favor comente para que eu possa melhorar. Obrigada.
It´s impossible to write a good essay without understanding how the grammar works.So, it´s necessary to learn how to identify parts of grammar. During the course I received many suggestions of books and websites where I explored the grammar terms. My favorite one is Grammar for writing, by Joyce Cain, Pearson Publishers, 2012. I also studied how to identify the parts of a sentence what also includes to know the difference between a phrase and a clause. An effective sentence must have clarity, well-chosen vocabulary, limited number of clauses and prepositions, subject-verb agreement, and correct verb tense. About writing concisely, we must avoid redundancy, watch out for wordy phrases, make our subject clear and defined, use strong verbs, avoid vague words, and remove unnecessary modifiers.
During the second week, I explored two of my weakness when I´m writting that are to keep the coherence and development. I usually have good ideas, but I rarely can express them in organized paragraphs that make sense to the reader. The most difficult thing for me is to focus on the main idea while creating logical connections between the sentences in each paragraph. It was also in the second week when I wrote my first paragraph on the course website. It was a valuable experience; because we are able to receive comments from the others students who were attending the same course. My first paragraph was this:
Brazil is famous for the beaches, beautiful women, soccer, and music. However, many people don´t know that Brazil has as many homicides as the United States, China, all of Europe, Northern Africa, Japan, Indonesia, Australia, Canada, and New Zealand combined. As a Brazilian, I don´t remember if I have ever watched the news, and there wasn´t any murder victim during the day. The most of the crimes are for banal reasons, and it doesn´t matter the hour or the place; the violence in Brazil is scary. The low quality of the educational system, the social inequality, the trafficking of drugs, and the political corruption contribute to this situation. On the other hand, there are still good people in Brazil. Citizens who believes that one day this country will overcome all these problems. They work hard, and keeping a smile on their face; they daily pray to not become a homicide victim.
Hey, it was my first try, so forgive me lol. It will get better...
The next topic was the hardest one for me. It was: Introduction to the thesis statement. It´s obvious that the first thing we must do is to establish our topic, but when I had to add an argument or opinion, my problems began lol. I had a difficult time trying to not put too many ideas in my thesis statement. Academic writing is not so easy as it seems, because it has a formal and organized structure, besides the fact that we must think about who we are writing for. Fortunately brainstorming techniques helped me to overcome my habit of writing unclear paragraphs.
I studied hard while learning how to write longer essays. I always have had a hard time while creating strong introductions and conclusions, but I believe many people have the same problem.
Yesterday I just finished my second try of writing a longer essay. I´m waiting for the evaluation of it; while this, I decided to post the essay here:
Brazil is not only the carnaval and soccer country, but one of the most violent nations around the world. In this country, "there are as many homicides as the United States, China, Europe, Northern Africa, Japan, Indonesia, Australia, Canada, and New Zealand combined." Daily, more people die victims of violence in Brazil than in the conflict between Israel and Palestine. The low quality of the educational system, the social inequality, and the tradition of corruption can be the main reasons for this situation.
From 1964 to 1988, Brazil was ruled by a military dictatorship. During the military regime, "an education reform denied the children any kind of philosophical or political instruction"(GOUVEIA, J.G. QUORA); the intention was to keep the population unconscious about their condition. This created a culture of negligencing the education in Brazil. Despite the fact of the military regime was over about 30 years ago, the situation of the educational system in Brazil is almost the same. According to Brazil’s Indicator of Functional Illiteracy, 27% of adults between the ages of 15 and 64 have only rudimentary reading and writing skills. Nowadays, if any person wants to have access to 'a better' education in Brazil, this person must have the resources to pay for it. As a consequence, the poorest Brazilian do not belive in education as a way to change their reality, and many poor children do not finish school. Out of school, these young people are easily enticed by criminal gangs.
In 1988, after years of violent repression from the military forces, the constitution was announced; seeking to guarantee all manner of rights and restricting the state's ability to limit freedom . However, the constitution text is confusing what created a perfect scenario for priveleges and impunity. The criminals have little or nothing to fear by way of punishment. In addition, there are several people in the police force and the political system who are involved in the organized crime. The inefficiency of the judicial system is evidenced by the fact of about 90% of murder cases, in Brazil, are not solved.
Beyond that, Brazilian pay one of the highest taxes around the world; in 2018, since january 1st until january 19th, Brazilian have already paid about 1 billion dollars in taxes. Although, the distribution of wealth is unequal, and there are many corrupted politicians who share the money instead of solving the problems.
In conclusion, without access to a good quality of educational system or to any opportunity to overcome poverty, fearing the police force, and living frustrated by an unfair social inequality, it is no surprise that many Brazilian would find in the violence the answer to face their reality.
REFERENCES:
1. "Access to Quality Education in Brasil" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmkJX8MTJB8&feature=youtu.be Accessed January 28th, 2018
2. "Assessing Brazilian educational inequalities"- Rev. Bras. Econ. vol.62 no.1 Rio de Janeiro Jan./Mar. 2008
3. "Brazil education standards contribute to learning crisis" - http://articles.latimes.com/2012/nov/17/world/la-fg-brazil-bad-education-20121118; Accessed January 29th, 2018
4. "Racial inequality in the education system: The modern day slavery that Brazil insists it doesn’t see" - https://blackwomenofbrazil.co/2017/02/24/racial-inequality-in-the-education-system-the-modern-day-slavery-that-brazil-insists-it-doesnt-see/ Accessed January 25th, 2018
5. "Social Inequality in Brazil: The People, Politics and the World Cup"- VICTORIA LIVINGSTONE https://www.fairobserver.com/region/latin_america/social-in-inequality-brazil-the-people-politics-and-the-world-cup-66971/
6. "Teenagers, Violence and Crime in Brazil" Cléssio Moura de Souza, LL.M. http://f3magazine.unicri.it/?p=33
7. "Wage inequality and the distribution of education: A study of the evolution of regional differences in inequality in metropolitan Brazil" - Jose GuilhermeAlmeida dos ReisRicardoPaes de Barros Journal of Development Economics; Elsevier: 1991
8. "Welcome to Brazil , a Paradise of Impunity for All Kinds of Criminals" Augusto Zimmermann
9. Bailey S. Legacies of race: Identities, attitudes, and politics in Brazil. Stanford University Press; Stanford, CA: 2009.
10. Barros, R. P. d., Henriques, R., & Mendonça, R. (2002). Pelo fim das décadas perdidas: Educação e desenvolvimento sustentado no Brasil. TD 857, IPEA.
11. Blom, A., Holm-Nielsen, L., & D., V. (2001). Education, earning and inequality in brazil: 1982–98. implication for education policy. Working Paper 2686, World Bank Policy Research.
12. http://www.brazzil.com/content/view/10042/1/ . Accessed January 25th, 2018
13. Ianni O. Raça e classes sociais no Brasil [Race and social class in Brazil] Editora Brasiliense; São Paulo, Brazil: 1987.
14. REIS FILHO, Daniel Aarão; RIDENTI, Marcelo; MOTTA, Rodrigo Patto Sá. A ditadura que mudou o Brasil: 50 anos do golpe de 1964. Rio de Janeiro: Zahar, 2014.
15. SAVIANI, Dermeval. Política e educação no Brasil: o papel do Congresso Nacional na legislação do ensino. Campinas: Autores Associados, 2008.
16. https://www.quora.com/profile/Jose-Geraldo-Gouvea; Acessed January 28th, 2018.
